Atticus and Anthony Talk About Existentialism

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Instead of trying to decide which pictures apply to the conversations I’ve chosen to post pictures of R. Kelly

There’s a baby in that dumpster.

Why yes, yes there is, isn’t there?

Well…

Well, what I don’t get what you’re hinting at here.

You should probably remove the dumpster baby.

Yeah, I was going to do that but then I thought about it.

Why the hell would that be something you had to think about? Just get the baby out of there.

Wait a second, removing a baby from a dumpster is a pretty big event in one’s life. I mean that’s going to stay with me for a long time. It’s a big change and I’m not taking it likely.

So you thought about it?  Why is the baby still there?

Well, here’s the thing, wouldn’t you say that placing a baby in a dumpster is a fairly extreme act?

Yes, and it’s terrible, thus why we should get the god damn baby out of the dumpster.

Well, as clichéd as a baby in a dumpster seems, it’s pretty rare that one experiences a situation that pertains to an infant in a trash receptacle. So given its rarity, the extreme nature, and the premeditation (people rarely throw babies out on a whim) there might be a very good reason why this baby is in a dumpster.

Well, what could that possibly be?

Maybe it’s a racist baby. I doubt that one would want a racist baby.

How could a baby be racist?

Well, when I looked in to see about the situation he did seem racist.

Did you ask him if he was racist?

Yeah, but he only speaks Spanish so I couldn’t figure it out.

Pretzel?

Sure

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Let’s hypothetically say that there is a god. For now, let’s just have absolute faith in god’s existence.

I’m down. Why we doin’ that?

I saw this kind of Gatsby green light coming from my door handle so I looked through it. And sure enough although pixellated there sat the man who created us.

You sure man?

Is God the thing that controls us or the thing that creates us?

Either I guess.

Well then I’ve seen god’s penis.

One should never see their deities’ penis.

rkelly

Hey Larry. What’s the matter? You look rather curfuffled.

Well, it’s strange isn’t it? Like just a bit odd?

What is?

Well, you just called me Larry.

Why is that strange? I mean it’s a fairly common name. It’s also your name so actually it’s probably the least odd thing that I could have possibly called you.

Well, that’s the thing I’ve always been under this impression that my name was Larry and that I should go by Larry. Even my birth certificate says Larry. Not even Lawrence, I’m a premeditated Larry.

I’m still missing the strangeness of this whole calling you by your name thing.

Well, you are Tony, correct?

Yes.

And it seems that on some level we are having a conversation about our existence?

Yes, it seems we are. So?

Well, look up there a little ways before your greeting.

That is odd, do you think that’s your real name? That the Larry thing is a lie? I’ve known you your whole life and you’ve always been Larry.

You’re right. It’s probably nothing. Wait how long did you say you’ve known me?

Since we were born.

Wasn’t that like ten minutes ago?

We should probably discuss something less deep next time; I’m starting to feel uneasy about this whole business of names and creation.

Do you want to go get a pretzel?

What are those?

 

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