Lately I’ve had a lot of time to think about life and the idea of existence in general, basically to improve myself. This was something that I maintained for about 1 hour before I got side tracked. Most of my time over the past month has been spent coming up with weird ideas and random situations. One of my favorites is coming up with large-scale pranks that require far more planning/work than I’m willing to do. Here are a few of my favorite examples:
1. Have a large group of people change their Facebook/LinkedIn/Whatever social media platform’s name to one random guys, making him completely impossible to find.
2. Send hundreds of the same resume/cv to the fifth ad on the Jonesboro, Arkansas Craigslist [Account+Finance] jobs section.
3. Hold unsanctioned 5k’s in 5 different Arby’s parking lots.
4. Buy a white van, massive amounts of fertilizer, and Pseudafed online and give a blue ribbon to which ever law enforcement agency shows up first.
5. Convince 100’s of people to start bands named Ted Danson so that he becomes impossible to Google.
6. Partner up with other magazines and websites to send numerous interview requests to the key grip from the show Joan of Arcadia.
7. Have exactly 783 people all try to by the same copy of Reader’s Digest from the Fulton Street Walgreen in Downtown Manhattan with Post-it notes with FOODE STOMPS written on them.
8. Stage a large-scale protest over the development of a FedEx store that has existed for 3 or more years.
9. Replace all the books in several Barnes and Nobles with copies of Ashanti’s Biography.
10. Pre-purchase and send 1000’s of pizza’s to Dylan Keese, the bassist of 90’s one/two hit wonder Marcy Playground (while researching his name I found out they are still fucking touring)
11. Instagram thousands of pictures of sweet sour chicken purchased from Chinese restaurants in Bed Stuy
12 Start a bidding war at a TGI Fridays for the knick knacks on the walls
I only hope that one of you enterprising young skamps can succeed where I have failed and cause some havoc with these ideas. Except for the fertilizer one I really really really stress that no one try that prank, and if the CIA comes I had nothing to do with it. Unless you don’t get in trouble and you get on the local news, then I’m going to show up and get in on that action. I mean don’t do it. Law enforcement agencies I said to NOT do it so don’t hurt me.
-Cameron Patton (unless some gets me in trouble in which case my name is Geoff Walls)