Apparently, even though we have writers and columnists, I still have to publish things, which sucks, because I’m lazy and only intelligent like 5% of the time. I guess I can throw some words out about female to male relations, gays you’re included in this too, but I’ve never gotten around to flying the rainbow flag or riding male butt, so take my words with a grain of salt, or poppers, or whatever it is you guys and gals are doing now a days.
One of our writers suggested a column about the defense of dating, about courtship, and the modern appreciation of chivalry and all that jizz, because the New York Times said something about something, and I don’t really read my emails, so I’m not really sure what else. Well, dating is a construct and blah blah, feminism, blah, modernity, blah.
The thing is no one cares about dating, at least no one really cares, people will tell you that they don’t, or do want to be courted, but in the end everyone just wants to find that one person who won’t giggle at their genitals and who will giggle at their jokes, which is kind of the point. Now, I’ve done a lot of writing about manufacturing these Madonnas out of girls I’m seeing, and I think that it’s something we all do. Why not just solve the sexual cliff by making people into people, who are people, who you people, want to be your people? But, as my grandmother would say, if she were an actual black stereotype and not mostly Native American, “uh uh child you can’t be playin non of those trifling games”
That’s really what the truth is; that person will resent you and torment you and destroy every ounce of belief you have in love. You see, they’ve been trying to manufacture the same perfect love, squishy person out of you. While, I yelled at girls for making me get them a baked potato at 3 am, or wearing sandals all the time, or not understanding post-modernism (which no one really does anyway), they were trying to get me to be not crazy, less self-absorbed, and less judgmental. Also, rushing me to the hospital at 4 am, because I thought the world was ending due to a temporal shift in time and the absence of true present (long story I’ll share later). See, everybody is trying to make everything into something that just isn’t.
Does that mean we should all settle and be happy?
No, because this isn’t the 60’s and hopefully no one is pregnant, if someone is that’s a whole ‘nother thang, that I’m not even going to talk about. What you have to realize , and what most of us do admit, at some level, is really obvious; things are temporary, till they aren’t anymore. You need to just live life, bone things or twat things (not really sure what the female bone verb is) until you realize that, “hey I want to keep this person around for a little bit, because they’re funny and their dick doesn’t smell or look like string cheese.”
Unless, someone is pregnant, (yeah I lied about not talking about things) then ask your doctor about abortions and cry about ending a life, and become attached and settle down. Talk about how it wasn’t really a mistake and how much you love each other, and the child you’ve made. Get a ranch home in New Jersey and become accountants, and do things that I don’t really know about. I told you not to trust me on that part.
The point is people are people, no matter how dumb, and we are all dumb. So, find the dumb that matches your dumb, and leave it up to chance, because there isn’t anything you’re going to be able to do to solve anything.
– Cameron Patton