29 Things You Could Do if You Wanted to Be “Happy”

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1. Stop watching indie rom-coms on Netflix

2. Stop watching Netflix for 12 hours at a time

3. Delete all Elliot Smith, Postal Service, Ryan Adams and Bright Eyes from iTunes

4. Talk to friends about problems

5. Make friends to talk to about problems

6. Commit to eating more than one type of food during the week

7. Learn how to answer phone without mental preparation

8.  Leave your room more than three times a month

9. Exercise more than once a year

10. Wake up prior to 2 pm

11.  Go to sleep prior to 5 am

12. Learn how to consistently spell the word necessity without having to look it up.

13.  Stop reading Sylvia Plath and Bukowski

14. Buy a juicer

15. Stop drinking whiskey that costs less than cigarettes

16. Stop smoking cigarettes that cost less than my six packs of Diet Coke

17. Drink things that aren’t Diet Coke

18.  Learn how to speak French

19. Spend less than 3 hours looking at Okcupid without messaging anyone

20.  Talk to a therapist

21. See one therapist for more than 2 visits and don’t think about how you left them before they could leave you.

22. Prevent yourself from researching tragic deaths on Wikipedia

23. Go to Gallery openings, poetry readings and concerts earnestly and not just to make fun of people.

24. Stop staring into the refrigerator like it’s a scene from some French film I don’t understand.

25.  Learn how to knit

26. Do hygienic things at the same intervals as normal people and stop just doing insane scrubbing and washing once a week.

27. Stop imagining deep relationships with famous people or people on the street or fictional characters

28.  Talk to family members and stop just looking at them with a glazed stare

29.  Use dishes that aren’t the one glass I keep on my night stand

-Cameron Patton

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